don't you get sick of being sorry
or worrying about what others will think
or hiding things

it stifles your soul
to not do what's calling you

even if it's a cigarette..in peace..no judgement...a moment or 30....alone you force with a tar ridden cancer stick that you freaking love

or taking the quiet time in the witching hour and typing your little heart out without regard or worry if anyone will get angry or suspicious of your keystrokes

or saying what your really thinking instead of sugar coating or putting it off for better timing

i think when you grow old you get to do that more and without apology....who cares if they think your a crazy curmudgeon

i look forward to that

or reading about all the nasty violent mostly death ridden stories that splash the news every day

or about all of the things we're supposed to be afraid of or feel guilty for

what have we done to ourselves with our media and our 'news' and our judgments of every little thing we do or don't do

sighs

i already stopped getting tv.....then the newspaper...i still catch it all online though. ironic to me that when i read msnbc news and scroll over the link titled US Life...i see so many stories about death

it drains me....makes me want to go into hibernation and recharge my batteries without so much negative controlling bullshit hovering around

by the way

if you could be anything..any...one......what/who would it be?

i found this game...i guess..... a site i suppose...i haven't really investigated it fully...

but it's called second life. what attracted me what some posting about recreating another life you've lived virtually...if you believe reincarnation

i've read enough to know now that it's similar to sim city with a more virtual real time approach...and has it's darker corridors...though we all do i suppose

but it's interesting to me...........i once found some majic actually playing the raven card and envisioning myself as that entity brought me strength among other things.. so i was thinking perhaps i should give that idea another shot.

but i don't know if i have the energy to get involved in an online gaming deal. but here's the link if you are curious: http://secondlife.com/

be well gypsies

raven xx

today i am thinking about

timberline. and snow that covers the amazing range that surrounded me as i rode the lift

i totally absorb that feeling of when i was a kid and i used to cruise the mountain with a pack of guys which meant you had to keep up or be banished....and how cool it was to be where no one else was...up so high you felt like you were in another league with even the people who lived in the area or skied on a regular basis....

we'd go beyond. to the cornus that no one else would careen off of. between the trees that seemed so narrow they would eat you up as you tried to dodge them......shooting off of jumps out of treetrails that caused the people on the chairlift to holler out in enthusiasm at your aggressive attack of the slope

and how we..the mountain crew...would take over a section of the upper levels of the lodges and eateries on the hill. all cool and strong and strange....i'm sure kids do the same today as i did 18 yrs ago. and ohhh how old does it make me feel to go again and know the snow and not be in quite the shape or quite the coolness to belong to that moment

but still...it feels so good to be there and know that i was once there

the feeling of sunshine and fresh mountain wind and the way sunlight and blue sky reflect off of snow

the laughter and shrieks of children as they push themselves to the limit and learn something new

the expanse of the west......the great juttings of red striped rocks and tundra and brush and sky that seems neverending

i am so grateful to live where i do

nature is absolutely amazing and such a place of solace for me

when was the last time you took a walk somewhere you couldn't see or hear another human being? have you ever been to such a place?

i'm sure there are those that live in these places.....and know what i mean and tell me about your latest amazing outside moment if you're one of those

but i guess i'm writing to all the city people....because i'm curious....how many times have you been where there is no city for hundreds of miles?

be well wanderes

raven

inner critic vs. wild child

listen to your inner critic....the curious woman told me as we discussed why women around 35 years old have heightened cortisol levels and what it does to you

"i mean, really listen to her....and then make her have a conversation with raven....with your wild child. "

i had explained to her that i knew what my inner struggle with quitting smoking was....that girl was the free rebel....the defiant apathetic tough and wild travelling nomad. now that girl is a momma and a manager and she's got bills and maintenance on life in general....

her wings, at the moment, are clipped...in a way...

and so i think i draw to smoking (even tho i've recently quit for a year...almost.) because it makes me feel as though i've not lost touch with the free side of myself

i'm so tired of that battle...that nicotine mental blender. NEVER START SMOKING> that way you never have to battle why you should quit and why you want to smoke and struggle with it for like...4000 years...

i believe at some point i shot off 1000 words a second explaining why i'm frustrated with life at the moment and how i already know what i need to fix it but it's like i'm too tired to draw on the energy to put it into motion.

that sounds ridiculous. but it's true. it's exhausting to try to suddenly change yourself....your sleeping routine, your free time routing, your bad habits and good ones all rolled up into one giant spiritual makeover. laughs

anyway i thought that idea was actually clever. catch yourself in mid critizing thought, and stop yourself, and make yourself (in your mind of course, otherwise people might petition to lock you up) your free self.....take over that situation.

it's actually hard to do...catch myself in the beginning of a negative or judging thought....i always realize it 5 minutes after i've been pondering what a lame ass i am that i can never ever ever catch up with the laundry

if i can manage to train my brain to make this event actually happen, critic vs. raven, i will be sure to take note as i'm sure some funny things will be said...thought...lol whatever. you get the drift.

it's a meditative practice i say. envisioning for theraputic benefit takes discipline you know. ever tried it?

if you could stop your inner critic as it began......
who would you make it talk to?

i gotta go. enough blathering.
be well wanderers

raven

way to go britney!

you know, it's actually pretty funny that everyone is all up in arms about britney spears

who already took on the not that innocent stance once before. if she'd been punk or ska or rock or metal and she shaved her head people wouldn't have given it a second glance

but because she's always seen as so hot.....she's got the blond locks and big smile and bod and all that right? i mean, i don't think she's hot. i think she's sorta primadonna just like every irritating concieted popular but plain girl i remember in high school

just a blonde really.

but that's the stereotype that is so hot. so, it's a tragedy that she got sick of dealing with it? hell no! I say go britney.....shave that head bald!!!! she's just getting rid of society's bullshit hold on her life and privacy.

so much i could give a fuck what you think that she would in public totally freak out all of the media and her fans and everybody.

i think it's healthy. i think it's a catharsis and everybody spends way too much frigging time wondering what's wrong with a pop princess stressing single momma.

leave her alone already. it's all you paparazzi that's screwing with her mind

i hate the media.....i believe i've mentioned.

ramble on gypsies

raven