what to do

i should really go to sleep

but it's always at the witching hour...or there abouts that i feel somehow compelled

to write....or emote...or ponder

i wish i could type more quietly
i suppose there are fancier keyboards out there that allow you to type quietly in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping

laughs

so the question of the evening is.....
are the ones who put it all on the line the ones who always make it? no i don't think that's the case. i'm sure someone somewhere could point out a ton of people who are incredibly talented and gave it everything they had and didn't 'make it'....

so how do you know when to jump off with both feet?
and i don't mean some little embankment...i'm talking careeing yourself, potentially, off of a 50 foot cliff...

shaking it all up...all the stability you now know.........trying to have faith in yourself and understand if the time is now...or if you simply have a ceaseless brain and the time can be any time you choose it to be...

are there not windows of missed opportunity?

one of my dearest friends on the planet said this weekend something that has been haunting me since...

if you think about something every day.....it eats at you every day....aren't you supposed to do something about it?

right?

she said all suggestively looking at me straight...
lol
but she's right and i know it and she knows i know it

it's just so hard to jump when you have no real sign or catalyst and you have so many mouths to feed

payin the bills. we all get that one right? but how long do you compromise your spirit and the gifts bestowed on you for a reason? how many will read this will know exactly what i mean?

i am at such a crux. i want to throw caution to the wind...and yet i haven't the balls

maybe

what to do
wish i had a crystal ball

be well wanderers

raven

seeing round the bend

how many people actually acknowledge that they have instinct or a sixth sense?

how many are afraid of it i wonder

more than embrace it i'd guess.

the problem with knowing you have an instinct to be heeded is knowing how to read it and reign it in. especially if you have an overactive imagination.

the times i've been the most dead on haven't had anything to do with something i've had time to analyze. it's split second...not even thinking about it decisions...and some have actually saved a life.

but over the years i've realized that i knew things.....had an instinct about it before the event...and if i'd listened to it, if i'd realized it was my instinct, things would have come out differently.

so...i decided i'd try to figure out when to pay attention to recurring thoughts or emotions that might actually be your instinct piping up before the fact...rather than brushing things off as if they are just normal human stuff... being nervous or anxious...like a trip somewhere or a new job or the kids wanting to visit a new friend or who knows what. we worry about any number of thousands of things these days....will this go well...am i doing the right thing.....making the right choice....on the right path
you get the picture

but what if we could tune into what our spirit already knows when our gut goes all crazy or our hearts race and we feel as though we might not be in total view of clarity

i know i could hear it
if i could figure out how to listen better

calm and quiet more in the sea of my own chaos of kids and work and life

it's hard to trust it. not to call that friend you have a sudden feeling about at one am....because it might wake her family or seem weird. so i harbor most of what i sense...wondering often if i just have brain run or an overactive imagination

or if i really sense the things i think (know) i do...and what to do about acting on it

just a vent for the evening
hope all is well in the land of wanderers

be well

raven

don't you get sick of being sorry
or worrying about what others will think
or hiding things

it stifles your soul
to not do what's calling you

even if it's a cigarette..in peace..no judgement...a moment or 30....alone you force with a tar ridden cancer stick that you freaking love

or taking the quiet time in the witching hour and typing your little heart out without regard or worry if anyone will get angry or suspicious of your keystrokes

or saying what your really thinking instead of sugar coating or putting it off for better timing

i think when you grow old you get to do that more and without apology....who cares if they think your a crazy curmudgeon

i look forward to that

or reading about all the nasty violent mostly death ridden stories that splash the news every day

or about all of the things we're supposed to be afraid of or feel guilty for

what have we done to ourselves with our media and our 'news' and our judgments of every little thing we do or don't do

sighs

i already stopped getting tv.....then the newspaper...i still catch it all online though. ironic to me that when i read msnbc news and scroll over the link titled US Life...i see so many stories about death

it drains me....makes me want to go into hibernation and recharge my batteries without so much negative controlling bullshit hovering around

by the way

if you could be anything..any...one......what/who would it be?

i found this game...i guess..... a site i suppose...i haven't really investigated it fully...

but it's called second life. what attracted me what some posting about recreating another life you've lived virtually...if you believe reincarnation

i've read enough to know now that it's similar to sim city with a more virtual real time approach...and has it's darker corridors...though we all do i suppose

but it's interesting to me...........i once found some majic actually playing the raven card and envisioning myself as that entity brought me strength among other things.. so i was thinking perhaps i should give that idea another shot.

but i don't know if i have the energy to get involved in an online gaming deal. but here's the link if you are curious: http://secondlife.com/

be well gypsies

raven xx

today i am thinking about

timberline. and snow that covers the amazing range that surrounded me as i rode the lift

i totally absorb that feeling of when i was a kid and i used to cruise the mountain with a pack of guys which meant you had to keep up or be banished....and how cool it was to be where no one else was...up so high you felt like you were in another league with even the people who lived in the area or skied on a regular basis....

we'd go beyond. to the cornus that no one else would careen off of. between the trees that seemed so narrow they would eat you up as you tried to dodge them......shooting off of jumps out of treetrails that caused the people on the chairlift to holler out in enthusiasm at your aggressive attack of the slope

and how we..the mountain crew...would take over a section of the upper levels of the lodges and eateries on the hill. all cool and strong and strange....i'm sure kids do the same today as i did 18 yrs ago. and ohhh how old does it make me feel to go again and know the snow and not be in quite the shape or quite the coolness to belong to that moment

but still...it feels so good to be there and know that i was once there

the feeling of sunshine and fresh mountain wind and the way sunlight and blue sky reflect off of snow

the laughter and shrieks of children as they push themselves to the limit and learn something new

the expanse of the west......the great juttings of red striped rocks and tundra and brush and sky that seems neverending

i am so grateful to live where i do

nature is absolutely amazing and such a place of solace for me

when was the last time you took a walk somewhere you couldn't see or hear another human being? have you ever been to such a place?

i'm sure there are those that live in these places.....and know what i mean and tell me about your latest amazing outside moment if you're one of those

but i guess i'm writing to all the city people....because i'm curious....how many times have you been where there is no city for hundreds of miles?

be well wanderes

raven