random killings

for years now there have been random mutiple killings

i was actually in the hospital giving birth when the columbine shootings happened in colorado...and death was all there was on the tv when i was trying to celebrate life.....

but i noticed it then...as if it was gaining momentum. like killing people was starting to be a fad. scary, eh? and yet, look at where we are.

i read, as i'm sure many did, many stories about kids taking guns to school to exact revenge of some sort. there was the whole 'going postal' "joke" that went around....there has been mass ethnic 'cleansing' events around the world from us...

recently, it seems to me, there has a been a rise in parents killing their children.....but it started with the whole 'postal' phenomenon i think

by the by..you know...i really don't think i believe in a heaven and hell...as i feel strongly that the purpose of life is for our spirit to learn something

and we must reincarnate however many times it takes to get those lessons right and graduate to total peace and consciousness

anyway....just because i don't believe in hell doesn't mean that i don't see the necessary exsistance and balance of good and evil
nor that i don't believe in demons or evil spirits
i think there's a whole bunch of stuff out there we don't understand
and i do think there are things out there with a definite negative menacing feeling about them...

that said

if there's any evidence of the 'devil' manifesting itself.....ie; some evil energy that is gaining strength by the number of spirits it can infiltrate and total disrupt their psyche

it's all of these random killings that seem to be gaining strength
it's too often like a perfectly normal person....even those who seem given to a laid back state of existance....or children who know little of the world...or mothers...or fathers...or people all over the world who decide other people need to be slaughtered immediately. ahh i could go on, sadly, couldn't i?

anyway the point is it's as if suddenly these people are afflicted with some completely....paranormal idea to kill. one day fine, the next bloody murder?
and not just kill randomly or one person...but in ways that will kill as many people as possible or kill those closest to you

what the hell is going on

it makes no sense

it's as if....there is a disease or a force that is gaining ground that no one sees

now i'm no bible beater...sorry if that offends those who are
but i will admit i don't like what i see in society
not just ours...but around the world

what's with the random killings; world?

travel on

raven x

Questions about an afterlife and agnosticism

this is a copy of a discussion being had about the point of life and whether or not there is an afterlife on the TAPS boards

i decided i liked the musings and wanted it in the nest

enjoy

"i apologize in advance if i go off for too long. this is a big topic for me...

for me, the answer to an 'afterlife' was within myself
so, far anyway

i've not, so far, had that aha moment where you figure everything out.

and it's not as if i haven't tried. in fact, philosophy of religion has been a huge part of my life and studies over the years. which is odd because i live very far from a religious life and yet feel drawn to places of worship and have for many many years.

that seems like an odd difference to have...to shun organized religion yet be drawn to places of worship...from celtic and wiccan alters to stonehenge to cemetaries and churches

my parents made me take the 'body and blood of christ' as a child thought i felt obligated..not that i understood the point. then they stopped going to church when i was like 8. my gma was always very strong in her beliefs but didn't push them on anyone. my ex gma in law is a devout morman. her daughter, my ex mother in law was a born again christian maniac (yes, frickin maniac) who has deliberately taken really wrong steps in my children's lives to propogate her religion despite my beleifs. she thinks because i have no set rules of religion i live by or teach my children that i am setting them up for eternal damnation.

i think that's crazy talk. if 'god' loves all of 'his' children, as she claims to believe......my children would supposedly be loved and accepted as would i no matter what, no?

i'm 37 now...but i studied it in college specifically to delve deeper into what the hell religion was because i saw it affect the world (and my family) in so many negative ways...yet so many people praised it like their way was the only 'salvation'

i also didn't understand how so many people of so many different religions could be so adamently absolutely certain that they were right about god....yet no one respected each others beliefs

as far as i could tell...everybody was going to hell according to everybody else's religions

then i decided i didn't think hell existed.....
and i know plenty of people have made comments about being on earth being hell....but in a way i think maybe there's some truth there.

we are brought to this series of challenges for a reason. and no one would dispute..life's a bit*&. ask anyone.
more to the point, ask anyone in china or myanmar or any of our states that recently got torn apart by tornadoes.

does god have anything to do with this stuff?
do i really think a god would have the time to attend the the personal needs and prayers of billions of people? no.
do i think there are miracles? yes.
does that mean there is a god who suddenly had a moment to notice a personal plight? i don't know

(here's where that whole agnosticism thing comes in. i don't think there's proof enough in anyone's version to be solid.....so i live in doubt and yet secure that there is something...so i claim agnostic)

it doesn't seem possible that the thing that makes me feel and think...my 'soul' as people would saycan just vanish when i 'die'.....it feels to me as if it is seperate of this body. it feels like it will continue when this body tires or it's time is done

it doesn't feel right to me that all we go though in our time on earth is reduced to one lifetime...one chance to make or break all of your challenges and lessons...and then you get judged

so in that i have to question, as you are, what is the point. why are we here and what is the goal? heaven? that's the whole point?

seems to me i'm here because i need to learn something...my spirit has lessons to learn to....move on to a higher place of enlightenment. somehow...some sort of freedom...some sort of being ok with wherever you are at....is the place of peace we are looking for.

not just where you are at the physical level... but the whole package...who you are; where you are; what you do for a living.....

and the evidence of and my own personal feelings about the paranormal and reincarnation lead me to believe that life on earth is a series of lessons...things we have to figure out to feel more at peace

to move on...we must learn

good luck in your learning and search"

be well wanderers

raven

americans tired of helping?

"‘Disaster fatigue’ blamed for drop in giving
After two major overseas tragedies, Americans are less generous"

the gov't and media drive me nuts
the fact that we haven't given as much has nothing to do with recurring disasters causing some bullshit syndrome with a title like 'disaster fatigue'
it has NOTHING to do with our generosity being lacking or a lack compassion for what's happening to the people in china and myanmar. in fact, i'm sure that if any one of us was able we would give everything we could to help those families and parents and children who have lost everything
it tears our hearts out too, to be sure, to watch the parents in their heart wrenching grief...to see the faces of the stunned and the lost and the injured and the heartbroken...
to see the children wondering what the hell just happened and have absolutely no sense of direction

we feel it

but apparantly some 'experts' feel it necessary to analyze why on earth we just aren't reaching into our pockets as much as usual.
why clearly, it must be that we are sick of helping.
clearly.....enough disasters. we're done. deal with you're own shit

as if.

here's a thought to entertain for just a millisecond

how about americans, had they known that the gov't was going to make a big dramatic deal (and spend 4 million dollars to send us letters) announcing we were all getting a 'stimulus' check
and we hadn't all planned for that
and then most of us found out the week we were expecting it in our bank accounts that if we had filed with turbo tax we would be getting a paper check weeks later than expected

completely screwing up people's finances on multiple levels

and maybe if the ecomony wasn't falling down
and the housing market wasn't crushed
and the price of gas wasn't at $4 a gallon
and the price of food wasn't going through the roof

maybe if the gov't hadn't gotten us in this financial pickle
we would be able to pour out of our pockets and wallets the love and emotion and support we feel pouring from our hearts

instead of portraying americans as bored and irritated with the constant unfortunate ways of the world
ya think?

laments of a manager

more than a week later since i told my boss the truth about why i had to leave
...amazing....time flies

so much has passed over the time it took me to decide this
......i...being drawn and quartered at my job and what i was allowed to do over the last months

became stifled and stuck and mired in the mud of bullshit
for too long

but finally...somehow....i found the strength to quit
and i have found some clarity...some light to reach for in my knowing my own work ethic...that it wasn't my fault that i could not live with the irrationalities of simple business practices that should have been adhered to

and yet i was the scapegoat
for anything that did not go well
or as planned
and i knew it

he readied me to look bad with his family and acquaintences....so that when i left it would seem as though i just couldn't take the pressure...instead of the reality of not being able to agree with the ludicrous way he wanted to run things.

it matters not now though does it.
now that i gave my two weeks notice
and i was dropped kicked

"most people do that nowadays" have said many to me....as if that is the common business practice in america

"that doesn't make it right" is my response...when i think of all the energy and change i brought in my moments....all my light

so let it go
i tell myself

let it dissolve like fine powder in water

but still i think of my friends
of the laughter
of the challenges we overcame together

of how much the dream if making it wonderful

fell
apart

for me anyway

sighs

i miss you all so

black bird

xxx

conjuring up a storm

the first thing i want to remember is that...

while there are many bridges age crosses without effort...there are, perhaps, fundamental differences one cannot ignore.

there are times when i am simply not seven ...or even five...years my senior.
and i don't have to be dammit.

and i don't give a damn about etiquette either.
but that's another story

my spirit is not yet ready to lay down.....it wants to stay up late and carouse and dance in the moonlight too late and sing too loud for this neighborhood

it wants to catch a buzz still...at least on holidays...or...certain holidays anyway. remember my wild self and call on that spirit as i bring new things to me. ring in the new year with a bang. i want to not feel guilty to want to hire a babysitter to go out and go dancing or just...go out...

laughs....what the hell am i on about eh?

everyone stayed up tonight just to humor me. it was like they were forcing themselves just to make it to the midnight marker.

i am so not ready to be in that place.

and it's not a battle with growing old. or maybe it is. maybe within the next five or ten years my body will go through so many changes that i will succcumb to tiredness....and i will look back at this post and laugh

but it seems as though it's a battle with forgetting to celebrate. that does not necessarily equate itself with drinking...but no one could say a glass or two doesn't relax barriers.

anyway...it's not as if i blame them...(i love and cherish each of them) for not being in the mood to be loud and boisterous and laughing and bring in the new year with gusto. i know we have kids sleeping and it's late. i know they all work very hard and we all have tons of responsibilities and we aren't spring chickens. i will myself be 37 this year. later this year. but still.

do we let the party die then? at what age? do we just do basically nothing special....or bare minimum for the holidays that come along? and certainly not any special time taken for selves.....

i think not.

and get a grip. when i say 'party' i'm not talking every night party or about the people who are desperately clinging to youth or keeping a stash pint of vodka in their garage.

i mean...that base instinct we've all touched base with at some point that we feel free and wild and it's GOOD for us.
don't tell me you don't know what i mean

do so many more than i thought just accept...tired.....bored.......blah........?

i had alot i accomplished this past year. and alot i'm going to accomplish next year. and i'm excited and i want to conjure that energy. be it alone or in a room full of charged people.

i wanted to....blatantly be drunk and play celtic music too loud and laugh and tell stories and smoke too much.

instead we saw it past midnight and everyone else went to bed.
~smiles to myself~
it's ok. i mean...there will be other times....to sing loudly and carouse
won't there?

so..it was kinda frustrating in a house full of quiet.
somehow i'll channel what i need though...pep rally within so to speak. lol

oh, and i want to remember to live more in the moment
and not lose the gifts bestowed on me

"i lost my powers in this world
because i did not use them"

five bucks if you can guess where that line comes from

i will not lose my powers in this world

i am conjuring up a storm again

take cover

be well
wanderers

raven

by the way....have a magnificent new year