the first thing i want to remember is that...
while there are many bridges age crosses without effort...there are, perhaps, fundamental differences one cannot ignore.
there are times when i am simply not seven ...or even five...years my senior.
and i don't have to be dammit.
and i don't give a damn about etiquette either.
but that's another story
my spirit is not yet ready to lay down.....it wants to stay up late and carouse and dance in the moonlight too late and sing too loud for this neighborhood
it wants to catch a buzz still...at least on holidays...or...certain holidays anyway. remember my wild self and call on that spirit as i bring new things to me. ring in the new year with a bang. i want to not feel guilty to want to hire a babysitter to go out and go dancing or just...go out...
laughs....what the hell am i on about eh?
everyone stayed up tonight just to humor me. it was like they were forcing themselves just to make it to the midnight marker.
i am so not ready to be in that place.
and it's not a battle with growing old. or maybe it is. maybe within the next five or ten years my body will go through so many changes that i will succcumb to tiredness....and i will look back at this post and laugh
but it seems as though it's a battle with forgetting to celebrate. that does not necessarily equate itself with drinking...but no one could say a glass or two doesn't relax barriers.
anyway...it's not as if i blame them...(i love and cherish each of them) for not being in the mood to be loud and boisterous and laughing and bring in the new year with gusto. i know we have kids sleeping and it's late. i know they all work very hard and we all have tons of responsibilities and we aren't spring chickens. i will myself be 37 this year. later this year. but still.
do we let the party die then? at what age? do we just do basically nothing special....or bare minimum for the holidays that come along? and certainly not any special time taken for selves.....
i think not.
and get a grip. when i say 'party' i'm not talking every night party or about the people who are desperately clinging to youth or keeping a stash pint of vodka in their garage.
i mean...that base instinct we've all touched base with at some point that we feel free and wild and it's GOOD for us.
don't tell me you don't know what i mean
do so many more than i thought just accept...tired.....bored.......blah........?
i had alot i accomplished this past year. and alot i'm going to accomplish next year. and i'm excited and i want to conjure that energy. be it alone or in a room full of charged people.
i wanted to....blatantly be drunk and play celtic music too loud and laugh and tell stories and smoke too much.
instead we saw it past midnight and everyone else went to bed.
~smiles to myself~
it's ok. i mean...there will be other times....to sing loudly and carouse
won't there?
so..it was kinda frustrating in a house full of quiet.
somehow i'll channel what i need though...pep rally within so to speak. lol
oh, and i want to remember to live more in the moment
and not lose the gifts bestowed on me
"i lost my powers in this world
because i did not use them"
five bucks if you can guess where that line comes from
i will not lose my powers in this world
i am conjuring up a storm again
take cover
be well
wanderers
raven
by the way....have a magnificent new year
