thirty first of december, two thousand six...eleven fifty three pm.
well....here i am. stepping foot in the blogosphere.
i tend to go on about nothing....so if you don't mind random mind rolls great. if you think i'm too long winded or full of it
go
away
i used to write...alot...and journal...alot. before it was called blogging. i think i got distracted right as it became a Really Cool Thing to Do...two or so years ago
so i've waited and watched and been busy
or made excuses like i am....too busy, that is...to blog or write or keep up my old site...
but the truth is i miss writing....and blogging as it now stands does intrigue me. so, i'm aiming this year to make myself write...here...and see what comes of it.
now i don't believe in resolutions exactly...but i do believe in making up a general goal or two in your mind for the year.
i just don't think it's a good habit to get into.....making promises to yourself you might not be able keep and then chastising yourself for not doing them. cyclical destruction of your own character. i think not
and the nice thing about having an anonymous website of your own is that you figure no one will actually find it so it doesn't matter when or how you write. but here...if feels already like there's pressure in a way. perhaps that's why i've stayed in the shadows
but i'll write when i like and refuse to cowtow to the psuedo pressure of writing all the time to keep readers happy and worry about the writer instead
and just focus on the fact that at least i'm writing SOMEthing again
i will focus more on the magic that i hold
i WILL get that god damn legal issue taken care of i've been waiting to be able to afford for years and come hell or high water i WILL jump start this post baby frigging metabolism
i won't say by when or to exactly what extent i will do any of these things...but if you ask me by the end of next year if i accomplished them i betcha the answer is yes to all
that said and moving on...
what's on the surface of a year
what's underneath
i made the mistake of letting work eat me up and my stillness has receded more than i want it to which will take some mending, but i'll fix it.
i can still sense the calm deep blankets of snow from spring and this christmas...i can feel the summer's breeze and all the rain that came...and smell the campfire and the night sky in the forest
there is laughter of all the little people between the trees and so much amazement and wonder at the new addition to our world
more love than i could have anticipated
being a broken family that began again
i understand companionship better and yet so value my solitude....
i have also gotten better about Just Doing whatever it is i would normally take 5000 hours analyzing and plotting my course of action first
and i believe i may have succeeded in putting something into motion that i cannot stop. which is frightening and yet if i didn't really want it i wouldn't have set myself up to HAVE to deal with it....changing jobs....moving on....making your job being about something you WANT to do instead of taking whatever you can or doing what you have to
i have decided that the reason i cannot actually see ghosts is because i'm not ready to......that fear is actually my obstacle even if i know that's irrational....but i still don't know why i sense them or what the purpose is of them coming around and i don't sense any truth to the whole romantic notion that i'm supposed to help them find the light or end a puzzle they didn't get to nor do i sense any sort of danger ....
but i wonder, for all of you who might think it's blasphemous to talk about ghosts and magic and so on....let's theorize that god made everything, shall we? god made everything and made us exactly as we are...design implies designer right? then why would these sixth sense aspects some of us posess be bad if god gave them to us?
and for all of you who think speaking of ghosts is crazy talk......phhhbbbbbtttt. we fear what we don't understand no?
i'd personally just like to know why i possess that sense so i don't go wasting it.
ok. enough of that tangent...back on the years change
i am more tired than i thought...and less tired than i thought... and am definitely 10 yrs older than when i first started this whole kid-having experience... and blissfully ignorant in my world of no newspaper and no tv...
not subject to the same commerical and shock value bullshit i know is out there for the masses...dumping pre formed opinions into our overexasperated skulls.....
but i do miss the humor...and some of the reality stuff...and once in awhile, dave letterman. but i'm not as sucked into the politics and drama and news as most of the sheeple.
unfortunately watching the news or even reading about it online also makes me acutely aware that our media and our goverment is a monster of our own creation and is, for the most part, no longer in our control at all. in fact, we are so uninformed as to the truth of the state of things, i believe, that the nation is almost two different places...the people of the land and the people of the government
one hand has no clue what the other is up to
the media is the circus act keeping both groups at bay
and the state of the world always makes me sad to so many degrees that i am happy to narrow my scope, until i can travel again, to my own little reality and deal with my day by day
for now anyway.
in the meantime, another year comes...restless....tearing at the seams ready to burst...
another year of landmarks and seasons and holidays renewed and birthdays
hopefully it will hold less kidney stones
and more insight
and art
alot more art and alot of laughing. laughing is good.
what was underneath what you remember about the year?
what are you reaching for next year?
share if you like
i don't know what sort of blog this will form into. i'm the sort to go read all sorts of weird links, but not really the type to put them here...so maybe it will just be me spouting off...we'll see
either way....i appreciate the visit
and hope you get something out of the read
be well wanderers
raven
