seasons change

i move closer now
towards freer spirit

towards my own will

towards freedom

it will have to come...........
as i cannot wait any longer for it to knock at my door

i won't be made a liar and accept any of the illogical...the rash...any more
all jobs suck
we all hate working

but there are certain parts of myself Not For Sale

so...enough already
of the speculating and the weighing and the responsible decision
to hell with it all

now is the time

moving faster
the wind picks up
the cold moves in
seasons change
and so comes mine

long overdue

raven xx

cold night in colorado

really, i should call it three in the morning
but considering i had a reprieve from the powers that be that can control the clocks....
it's technically only two
laughs
"only"

i'll feel it in a few hours when the babe wakes having no clue about daylight savings

but if i hadn't stayed up to have that last cigarette...i wouldn't have heard the eerie windchime music that played repetetively outside just now

it wasn't the wind...there wasn't any. it was just damn cold. but no wind..no breeze...nothing

but this song...playing repeatedly.....like someone nearby was playing a new age song on a stereo or battery operated machine somehow...and loud that was repetitive because it maybe meant to be meditative?

it was weird though...technically three in the morning....windchime mantra of some sort...

and then a loud ....vehicle of some sort passed down below on the highway and it faded....i heard it for a moment more after that vehicle passed and then it was gone

and everything was silent again...as if there had never been any noise of any kind

i love the night

makes me want to go back out
at 2(3?) in the morning
listen for other strange sounds

wander on

raven xx

what is halloween to you?

here i sit....one in the morning

wanting to stay up later....imbibe and speak to the night
but conscience self says go to bed woman

it's another life.....another time
but my soul craves wee hours moments...late night ramblings with the moon and the feeling, of course, of taboo
staying up later than i should and having a drink all by myself


laughs

oohhhh so dangerous eh?

i'm determined to go out this halloween

show off my costume...my nemesis
the spider

if any pics come out i just may share

what are you going to be for halloween?

what sort of holiday is it to you?

be well nomads

raven xx

what's a blog supposed to be anyway

1 hour 6 minutes past the witching hour

i often find myself held back when i write here
having read something a few months ago about how 'proper blog etiquette', and if the blogs really worth anything, it would include proper grammar skills and non personal blogs

as if journals are somehow trite and useless. and by the way, if you hadn't noticed, i purposely abhor capitalization and proper grammar rules online. i don't know who made all those rules up...but i don't need them here

so that whole your blog isn't worthy thing got in my brain like no one would want to read about nothing, and i've noticed that subconciously i write less...or often when i've found some news article that sparks me

but a far cry from my first website and blog that gave me so much release and joy

and the more i cruise this site bit by bit i find often the blogs are just that...a life journal; and the way people express themselves being the fire that draws people to read

so i intend to try more to do just that...just write about whatever
as i sit tonight
ceaseless thoughts ravage my brain
on work...on personal best...on making life happen in what you see if your visions of yourself

reminding yourself to allow visions of yourself

i read a quote recently that said "access that part of yourself that is in touch with your deepest source of wisdom"

that's what i need

find it
speak to it

speaking of speaking to it
that reminds me that a spirit of some sort appears to be swiping my belongings, again (but that's another story) and i need to go address that

be well wanderers

raven

worlds 10 cheapest travel destinations

well
way to fuck that one up


http://travel.msn.com//Guides/MSNTravelSlideShow.aspx?cp-documentid=427275&GT1=10544

by the way, this is cool:

http://drawahouse.com/takethetest/

wander on

raven

good ol' rosie

i know i should go to bed
2:18 am
i know it's too late and i'll suffer for it in 4 hours

but still i had to pay homage
i've always liked rosie for some reason

something about her honesty and edge and realness

but don't follow celeb stuff like blogs or anything...
tho' i've read a few times random articles about things she'd said on her blog

but tonight was the first time i checked it out

she writes cool
broken thoughts
almost like haiku or some strange poetry

and it made me think
you don't have to have something relevant to the world to talk about
contrary to something i read recently....that the true blogger machine cares about proper grammar and punctuation and so on...and that no one wants to read your personal life's story

but that's all bs. the point of blogging, i think, is oto have a venue to be yourself....vent...express...complain...muse....laugh at yourself and the world

anyway, baby waking...point is
just reveal
speak
think
muse
vent

don't worry about what the hell others might be interested in
do it for yourself

and so it shall be.

sleep well...or wander well

raven xx

free the wild girl pt. 2

hey!! if anyone out there has ever read this post....

you'll know i had a passionate bitching session about this chick

the wild girl escaped

went home

go wild girl

i hope they never bother to try to make you conform again

had to add that because that rocked

read my post somewhere in older posts about the original article if you're interested

hasta

black bird

our government has an attitude problem

i read an article yesterday about a mexican man on death row that was never told that he could...and subsequently never allowed...to contact the diplomats from his country that might help him

repeatedly they have tried to get him help (hey ...i gotta say i don't know if now he's claiming he didn't do it....they say he made a written confession...i think he's appealing repeatedly because mexico has no death penalty...and so the country objects to our laws and thinks they should be able to extradite him)

there was a treaty put in place in 1968 that allowed provisions for people to be allowed help from their countries diplomats when involved in the US legal system

the international court ruled in 2004 that the US is wrong for not recognizing and adhereing to that treaty and ordered that the guy, and i believe, 50 other people like him, be allowed a retrial

president bush agreed that there should be retrials

congress laughed and said...well i guess you don't need congress then, and the president gets to decide everything
and with a big fat hairy chip on their shoulder, has not followed through, it seems, out of spite

the state of texas says the international court and the presidents ruling have no say over what they decide to do and everyone can go stuff themselves

and everybody
in their sudden tornado of political bullshit
forgets the point

which is:
if the US had some of our people detained in another country, and they were being denied access to our help, not allowed to contact their home for advice or translation or anything; would we tolerate it? how would they feel if it was one of their family members...that guy in congress and the state of texas....would they say fuck that we are AMERICA.....get our people out of there?

one would think we would, no?

and yet, the courts and powers that be are so hypocritical and egotistical that they would deny that same freedom to others

why on earth would we expect people to treat us with respect?

i'm not big on organized religion...but one of the lessons that seems to ring true all over the world is

treat people the way you want to be treated

right?
not all of this other political power play bs
come on america, focus

food for thought

be well wanderers

raven

3 GOP lawmakers call for Sen. Craig to resign

i realize that not everyone thinks being gay is....normal.

not that i'm gay, i just don't know what it feels like so how can i say people make it up? it's not my place to judge what others feel. besides, there are perfectly wonderful helpful responsible people all over the planet that are gay so what does it matter who they sleep with? and why are americans so nosy?

ahem

back to the point. even if politicians walk their thin ice of not supporting gay marriage.....i thought it has always been portrayed as if "we don't actually have anything against gay people persay...we just don't think that ...union should be legal." right? maybe i don't read enough news or watch enough tv....laughs

and then i read today that one of the republicans made a comment about how he plead guilty to conduct unbecoming a senator and should resign. that's laughable. for soooooo many reasons. but lets stick to this one topic eh?

ok first of all people....it's none of your business. i'm so tired of people bitching about what everyone else does in their personal lives...from the media to everyone else..here's an idea. if you spent more time working on your own lives and managing your own business you wouldn't have time to care about what anyone else does in their private time. as it should be.

so, who cares who he wants to fondle or if he's not strong enough to be able to live his real feelings except in anonymous random bathrooms. (which in itself is a sad statement really) (in this 'free' country of ours) it's none of my business and frankly i would rather not know....simply because it's private. i shudder at the thought of the way the media just rips to shreds peoples privacy and we let it happen. daily.

the thing i wonder is; has he done good work? is he a good human being? i actually can't answer it myself because i deliberatly don't watch the politics game....but the bigger point is...what's he done that's positive outside of potentially subtly propositioning another man?

(and why is this police business as well, i wondered. why do the police care if men want to connect like that....trying to be private and secretive...not a public show or blatant harrassment.....a simply system of quiet codes...

why on earth would the police feel like that's necessary to have undercover cops watching...is it a prostitution thing? when someone hits on you in a bar...a grocery store...at work..wherever...don't you just turn them down if your not interested? should we have undercover police planted everywhere people might hit on each other? good grief. can you imagine?)

back to conduct unbecoming. so that's where our goverment stands........if you are a person who feels like you are gay, you are not welcome or looked upon favorably from then on.

hmm. you might be incredibly motivated or kind or intelligent or helpful but if you are gay we don't want you so shove off. interesting. not that the person would be describing their bedroom escalades...or that anyone else talks about anything else they all do in their bedrooms.....(and wouldn't that be a bunch of interesting bag of little secrets to spill i bet)...but if we even have any knowledge of it in our heads you are too vile to join the old boys club?

rolls my eyes

the image we portray to the rest of the world is increasingly depressing

be well wanderers

raven

the grand internal debate

wow here i am again...i can hardly believe it

still on the giant internal debate
which never actually goes away

all work sucks right? i mean, unless you genuinely love it....work is work.
i saw a woman i met at my brothers wedding last month doing a stand up in new york on you tube...which was cool...she threw everything to the wind and just went for it with being a comedian so it was cool to see her on you tube...

but she made one of the jokes about jobs and work and explaining why your quitting something is so hard to explain...but did it by emoting how often there is "too much job in that job...do you have anything with a little less job in it?" lmao exactly. it's just a job...why do they become so self consuming?

anyway it was great
cool to see someone you know go for it

and do well

like the powers that be really do pay attention and bless you for following the path you were given

sighs

this is not helping my current dilemma heart vs. bills to pay

anyway i keep throwing bits into the wind....perhaps something will come back. or perhaps after 20 yrs i'll look back and think i was a gigantic pussy for not just diving in with both feet

of course i haven't made up my mind so who knows

life is so peculiar. i wonder if before you move on or move up or move down or whatever the case is when my body loses my spirit if you get to look back on your life and see how it all fell and have such clarity

wouldn't be any point unless you got to apply the lessons you could see to the next life though. wonder if there is a next life

well i think i know ...that there is....unmistakably...that we learn from each life until we are allowed to pass in to the next level...

but that's just what my gut says. i don't subscribe to any organized religion

anyway
what's all this about

listen to your gut
follow your heart

try to have faith that the universe will catch you
(note to self)

be well wanderes

raven

what to do

i should really go to sleep

but it's always at the witching hour...or there abouts that i feel somehow compelled

to write....or emote...or ponder

i wish i could type more quietly
i suppose there are fancier keyboards out there that allow you to type quietly in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping

laughs

so the question of the evening is.....
are the ones who put it all on the line the ones who always make it? no i don't think that's the case. i'm sure someone somewhere could point out a ton of people who are incredibly talented and gave it everything they had and didn't 'make it'....

so how do you know when to jump off with both feet?
and i don't mean some little embankment...i'm talking careeing yourself, potentially, off of a 50 foot cliff...

shaking it all up...all the stability you now know.........trying to have faith in yourself and understand if the time is now...or if you simply have a ceaseless brain and the time can be any time you choose it to be...

are there not windows of missed opportunity?

one of my dearest friends on the planet said this weekend something that has been haunting me since...

if you think about something every day.....it eats at you every day....aren't you supposed to do something about it?

right?

she said all suggestively looking at me straight...
lol
but she's right and i know it and she knows i know it

it's just so hard to jump when you have no real sign or catalyst and you have so many mouths to feed

payin the bills. we all get that one right? but how long do you compromise your spirit and the gifts bestowed on you for a reason? how many will read this will know exactly what i mean?

i am at such a crux. i want to throw caution to the wind...and yet i haven't the balls

maybe

what to do
wish i had a crystal ball

be well wanderers

raven

seeing round the bend

how many people actually acknowledge that they have instinct or a sixth sense?

how many are afraid of it i wonder

more than embrace it i'd guess.

the problem with knowing you have an instinct to be heeded is knowing how to read it and reign it in. especially if you have an overactive imagination.

the times i've been the most dead on haven't had anything to do with something i've had time to analyze. it's split second...not even thinking about it decisions...and some have actually saved a life.

but over the years i've realized that i knew things.....had an instinct about it before the event...and if i'd listened to it, if i'd realized it was my instinct, things would have come out differently.

so...i decided i'd try to figure out when to pay attention to recurring thoughts or emotions that might actually be your instinct piping up before the fact...rather than brushing things off as if they are just normal human stuff... being nervous or anxious...like a trip somewhere or a new job or the kids wanting to visit a new friend or who knows what. we worry about any number of thousands of things these days....will this go well...am i doing the right thing.....making the right choice....on the right path
you get the picture

but what if we could tune into what our spirit already knows when our gut goes all crazy or our hearts race and we feel as though we might not be in total view of clarity

i know i could hear it
if i could figure out how to listen better

calm and quiet more in the sea of my own chaos of kids and work and life

it's hard to trust it. not to call that friend you have a sudden feeling about at one am....because it might wake her family or seem weird. so i harbor most of what i sense...wondering often if i just have brain run or an overactive imagination

or if i really sense the things i think (know) i do...and what to do about acting on it

just a vent for the evening
hope all is well in the land of wanderers

be well

raven

don't you get sick of being sorry
or worrying about what others will think
or hiding things

it stifles your soul
to not do what's calling you

even if it's a cigarette..in peace..no judgement...a moment or 30....alone you force with a tar ridden cancer stick that you freaking love

or taking the quiet time in the witching hour and typing your little heart out without regard or worry if anyone will get angry or suspicious of your keystrokes

or saying what your really thinking instead of sugar coating or putting it off for better timing

i think when you grow old you get to do that more and without apology....who cares if they think your a crazy curmudgeon

i look forward to that

or reading about all the nasty violent mostly death ridden stories that splash the news every day

or about all of the things we're supposed to be afraid of or feel guilty for

what have we done to ourselves with our media and our 'news' and our judgments of every little thing we do or don't do

sighs

i already stopped getting tv.....then the newspaper...i still catch it all online though. ironic to me that when i read msnbc news and scroll over the link titled US Life...i see so many stories about death

it drains me....makes me want to go into hibernation and recharge my batteries without so much negative controlling bullshit hovering around

by the way

if you could be anything..any...one......what/who would it be?

i found this game...i guess..... a site i suppose...i haven't really investigated it fully...

but it's called second life. what attracted me what some posting about recreating another life you've lived virtually...if you believe reincarnation

i've read enough to know now that it's similar to sim city with a more virtual real time approach...and has it's darker corridors...though we all do i suppose

but it's interesting to me...........i once found some majic actually playing the raven card and envisioning myself as that entity brought me strength among other things.. so i was thinking perhaps i should give that idea another shot.

but i don't know if i have the energy to get involved in an online gaming deal. but here's the link if you are curious: http://secondlife.com/

be well gypsies

raven xx

today i am thinking about

timberline. and snow that covers the amazing range that surrounded me as i rode the lift

i totally absorb that feeling of when i was a kid and i used to cruise the mountain with a pack of guys which meant you had to keep up or be banished....and how cool it was to be where no one else was...up so high you felt like you were in another league with even the people who lived in the area or skied on a regular basis....

we'd go beyond. to the cornus that no one else would careen off of. between the trees that seemed so narrow they would eat you up as you tried to dodge them......shooting off of jumps out of treetrails that caused the people on the chairlift to holler out in enthusiasm at your aggressive attack of the slope

and how we..the mountain crew...would take over a section of the upper levels of the lodges and eateries on the hill. all cool and strong and strange....i'm sure kids do the same today as i did 18 yrs ago. and ohhh how old does it make me feel to go again and know the snow and not be in quite the shape or quite the coolness to belong to that moment

but still...it feels so good to be there and know that i was once there

the feeling of sunshine and fresh mountain wind and the way sunlight and blue sky reflect off of snow

the laughter and shrieks of children as they push themselves to the limit and learn something new

the expanse of the west......the great juttings of red striped rocks and tundra and brush and sky that seems neverending

i am so grateful to live where i do

nature is absolutely amazing and such a place of solace for me

when was the last time you took a walk somewhere you couldn't see or hear another human being? have you ever been to such a place?

i'm sure there are those that live in these places.....and know what i mean and tell me about your latest amazing outside moment if you're one of those

but i guess i'm writing to all the city people....because i'm curious....how many times have you been where there is no city for hundreds of miles?

be well wanderes

raven

inner critic vs. wild child

listen to your inner critic....the curious woman told me as we discussed why women around 35 years old have heightened cortisol levels and what it does to you

"i mean, really listen to her....and then make her have a conversation with raven....with your wild child. "

i had explained to her that i knew what my inner struggle with quitting smoking was....that girl was the free rebel....the defiant apathetic tough and wild travelling nomad. now that girl is a momma and a manager and she's got bills and maintenance on life in general....

her wings, at the moment, are clipped...in a way...

and so i think i draw to smoking (even tho i've recently quit for a year...almost.) because it makes me feel as though i've not lost touch with the free side of myself

i'm so tired of that battle...that nicotine mental blender. NEVER START SMOKING> that way you never have to battle why you should quit and why you want to smoke and struggle with it for like...4000 years...

i believe at some point i shot off 1000 words a second explaining why i'm frustrated with life at the moment and how i already know what i need to fix it but it's like i'm too tired to draw on the energy to put it into motion.

that sounds ridiculous. but it's true. it's exhausting to try to suddenly change yourself....your sleeping routine, your free time routing, your bad habits and good ones all rolled up into one giant spiritual makeover. laughs

anyway i thought that idea was actually clever. catch yourself in mid critizing thought, and stop yourself, and make yourself (in your mind of course, otherwise people might petition to lock you up) your free self.....take over that situation.

it's actually hard to do...catch myself in the beginning of a negative or judging thought....i always realize it 5 minutes after i've been pondering what a lame ass i am that i can never ever ever catch up with the laundry

if i can manage to train my brain to make this event actually happen, critic vs. raven, i will be sure to take note as i'm sure some funny things will be said...thought...lol whatever. you get the drift.

it's a meditative practice i say. envisioning for theraputic benefit takes discipline you know. ever tried it?

if you could stop your inner critic as it began......
who would you make it talk to?

i gotta go. enough blathering.
be well wanderers

raven

way to go britney!

you know, it's actually pretty funny that everyone is all up in arms about britney spears

who already took on the not that innocent stance once before. if she'd been punk or ska or rock or metal and she shaved her head people wouldn't have given it a second glance

but because she's always seen as so hot.....she's got the blond locks and big smile and bod and all that right? i mean, i don't think she's hot. i think she's sorta primadonna just like every irritating concieted popular but plain girl i remember in high school

just a blonde really.

but that's the stereotype that is so hot. so, it's a tragedy that she got sick of dealing with it? hell no! I say go britney.....shave that head bald!!!! she's just getting rid of society's bullshit hold on her life and privacy.

so much i could give a fuck what you think that she would in public totally freak out all of the media and her fans and everybody.

i think it's healthy. i think it's a catharsis and everybody spends way too much frigging time wondering what's wrong with a pop princess stressing single momma.

leave her alone already. it's all you paparazzi that's screwing with her mind

i hate the media.....i believe i've mentioned.

ramble on gypsies

raven

paparazzi pie

alllllrightttttttttttt....................

it's official. i suck at posting regularly. but then again......that's my perogative

i was just reading, recently, about brad pitt being mocked and jeered at by the paparazzi as he left to try to reach jolie and family when her mother died

and i've been wanting to say for a lonnnnnng time and waiting for the perfect ridiculous paparazzi story to say:

how the hell do we let that....whole...phenomenon...happen? not as a society or a nation, but as a world? why the hell is it ok for the paparazzi to follow people and taunt and harass them like they do? you'd think there'd be a law...i thought we had privacy laws here

and based on the apparant ability to stalk people as much as you'd like if you have a camera in hand and they are in the news....there must be some skewed freedom of speech and press law there that gives them the power to act like that uninhibited...which i think is pathetic

not that i'm famous. and i don't really want to be. rich would be good...famous seems like a right pain in the ass...to be followed all the time

but the thing i've been wanting to say for the longest time when i read about what appear to be decent albeit rich and/or famous people have to go through...

if i was as affluent and wealthy as some of you i would hire my own staff of personal papparazzi and researches to find the people who perpetually stalk others for profit. find them and their families and kids and schools and allll the little skeletons hiding in their closets and publicize the hell out of it. follow them around to every walmart and mcdonalds and flea market they stop at.....follow them around til they are anxious and suspicious and constantly looking over their shoulders.

i wonder if their own privacy was compromised if they wouldn't decide it wasn't really worth it to torture others this way

i would also hire someone to follow kat gigantis around and take pictures of every fashoin faux pas she makes and scrutinize her til she cries. just because she's so mean.

ok i wouldn't really make her cry. but i'd fuck with her brain. alot.

it's just not right to make fun of people just because you can. i wonder if that's what msn put in their job description. 'must be a mean catty bitch with a snakes tounge to apply" why judge people like she does? i get so sick of people being rude. makes me want to be rude. and when i'm rude...watch out

liquitiiiitch

i'm actually surprised noone has done this yet. if i was rich i'd do it for someone being stalked just to see if it works

shame i'm not rich eh?
i think so too

be well wanderers
raven xx

joys of motherhood

four eleven year old boys and an 8 year old boy with an attitude went with me to a giant trampoline wonderworld for a birthday party free gym jump your heart out for an hour

not to mention a 10 year going on 15 year old girl and a baby and 4000 other parents and kids....

it was peaceful to say the least

but fun....of course...

my inner pirate was completely jaded that i couldn't participate in the ropes and swings and bottomless pits of foam and giant trampolines

i then felt as if i was privy to totally secret ruffian boy conversation as i played driver and we headed back to the mountains.......while they took turns making jokes about farts and hating little brothers and who had the best tale of pain so far in their relatively small lives

my man tells me that it was total bonding going on there...i shouldn't have even been listening, but hey, i couldn't help it. it was a fun little insight into how my kid reacts and talks with other kids when they are just bein boys instead of seeing them in our little family environment

plus all chicks wonder what the hell boys talk about. it's just funny on another level, at this age, to hear them and wonder if adult men talk about the same stuff

anyway....drive up the hill get to grocery store...get all said boys to carry multitude of groceries and bags inside wherein much mud was tracked onto something that resembles the white carpet that was in here when we moved in

get bombarded by 10 year old girl who wants a friend to also stay the night because the house is 'infested with boys' and no one will play with her. (i broke the rough news to her that tonight was about her brother and that at least it wasn't like they had her tied up somewhere throwing things at her.) ((she didn't care for that analogy)) asked for time to comtemplate the extra friend coming over and was pestered every 8 seconds until i finally said no at which point much squealing and crying ensued and was not sympathized with in the least.

said 10 year old stomps down hall, slams door, wakes baby.....boys in basement shooting laser guns and hollering at the racing video game....10 year old comes out and tries to put on the sugar and is informed that it won't help, as she was already rude and it can't be abided so more crying ensues.....

go to give the 11 yr olds a break from the little brother and playfully carry him up the stairs to get him out of the playroom and he snags a lip on my hip and hollers as loud 'why did you have to hurt me?!!?!?!?!?" as if i meant to....then more crying ensues....

i sit in my chair in front of the computer trying to breath slow...

and right now...as i try to type...said 10 year old is again doing the crying voice thing about how her brother always gets what he wants and whyyyyy can't she even watch a movie with them

now wait a minute...i thought your life was so terrible because of all the boys in the house which is what caused the first bout of crying to get a friend over here?

and now, i will go order pizza and feed 8 million children and hope that there the drama will subside and look to bedtime to roll around

no doubt as soon as i sleep the baby will wake

bein a momma has it's perks but i'm tellin you what..................

oi.

be well wanderers
thanks for reading me vent

raven

free the wild girl

FREE Ro Cham H'pnheing

what the hell is wrong with people anyway? this chick, for whatever reason, was lost (or found) to the forest. jungle forest, actually, cambodia, to be exact. read this article?

18 years ago she vanished. she's somehow, by animal or sasquatch or extreme tribal or self sufficient means, managed to get by all on her own for this long

but some people decided she needed captured. that people living that wild and animalistic, (stealing food was the catalyst) (granted, that's a good reason....but still....) needed to be contained and controlled and regulated and brought to some sort of reason

she's tried to escape
her eyes they say are sad

what a surprise.
she's captive. lost from the wild that has governed her for the majority of her life. around those who callously could give a shit about what makes her happy or comfortable

(how long have cultures done this to each other? do we never learn from our own stupid behaviour?)

and expect her to conform and learn and communicate and let all the wild go

how dare they...really? and how stupid is it to try to keep her captive? what is the point of that, exactly. let her go. what is it hurting anyone? she obviously wants that and is old enough to be allowed to do as she chooses. if she doesn't want to conform.....doesn't feel rescued...you're killing her spirit.

let her go

why do so many people feel the need to 'save' people who were doing just find before their lives were interrupted?

odd

poor woman...i feel such compassion for her. if i could, i'd open the door to her cage one night and smile as she reentered her place of being

whatchoothink

be well wanderers

raven

one of the many things i don't understand

how can we say that we live in a democracy when, from what i've seen.....the majority, by an overwhelming amount, think that sending more troops to iraq is a BAD IDEA

and yet....he's sending them anyway

because...we, the people, aren't REALLY in charge..........

are we.

tsk

raven

girl power and the pace of america

elaborating on the whole lovey dovey wonder if he knows vibe ....from the last post

i don't mean to sound as though i couldn't survive, if i had to....by myself...cuz' i'm not one of those that lays down or waits for someone else to make things happen or save me

and there are so many pieces to the puzzle that is me...it'll never be whole again anyway...but it would be another piece missing

one that i love more than i know how to explain to the recipient..more than i will admit in an out-loud voice

curious...why do i feel a need to clarify that? because we all get defensive in love and relations and i don't .....strike that...i CAN'T leave myself too vunerable again..so the knee jerk reaction is i'd be fine and i'm ok....
because if i'm not ok, and he leaves at some point that means he could crush me and i won't give up that power

which in so many ways is sad love is played like that because we've all been so burned before that every time we let people in a little less...but que sera sera...am what i am...

it will be interesting, tho, to look around in 10 years and see who's still standing around me

a friend of mine wrote me recently about me being too busy all the time, which is parshally why i can't write here more...
but i've been thinking....it's the pace of america is it not?

our super sized super fast super sale super store get more get it now happier hyperer greasier lifestyle that is all pressure all the time get yours free today!!!!

seriously. if you've ever been to europe...well, some places in europe anyway...for an extended period of time you'll notice that time passes differently.....and people seem on a different clock...

never rushing....never stressed...just going along with the flow of the day in a lazy fine with the world sort of pace

they've got something figured out we don't i'll tell you....it's because, (i think) they've been around longer than we have to figure out the societal thing and minding their own business instead of commenting on everyone's lives and behaviour which is another downfall of ours

i'm so tired....tired to a place where even when you get time to sit it's sort of in a zombied can't think anymore between chores or working state rather than sleepy gonna read a book by the window and take a lazy nap

i think too many people are too rushed...too overworked...too worried and self analytical

i think we've created our own little hurricane for ourselves and that's why everybody...well...most...seem so exasperated and ready to complain that you meet

i've changed my mind......now, along with our federally mandated massages....i'm saying it's a massage followed by a nap.
every day. without fail

wouldn't that be nice? yes, i'm a dreamer. what's your point?

ok i'm going now...back to my artworking

just checking in

be well wanderers

raven

headache from hell and the gentle viking

midnight exactly. hmmmmm. i haven't done that in awhile.

when i used to journal i'd notice that it was every day around midnight or 1 am that i'd write

and here i am again, weaving words at precisly the witching hour

i've had a headache for 9 days. isn't that just....wrong? i got sick with, i think, strep or some other nasty cold virus on the 23rd. i'm just now coming out of that whole lovely two weeks and last tues. the cold symptoms largely vanished but a headache remained. at first i thought it residual...then i was convinced it's something i've tweaked in my neck and shoulders...others claim i must have a sinus infection. i don't know but if my head doesn't actually blow off my shoulders by monday and i'm still feelin this i'm going to the doctor. which, mind you, i hate to do and have to be seriously damaged to go to one...because, i am stubborn...

on another note, everyone should just be granted a decent 1 hr massage every week. it should be federally mandated. if i was president, that would be remedied. it does so much for your body and health and is very much preventative medicine, and if you don't know it you would just be amazed if you got a real massage on a regular basis, how theraputic it is...if they weren't at least 50$ an hour i'd have done it already.....but tis the plight of the poor eh?

i missed the full moon yesterday. that was bad. i promised myself i'd get together with la luna monthly....and then i go fall asleep in my computer chair. it's that wild life i lead of a working mother of 4....killin me

no not really...wouldn't trade it. just.....you know...tired.

dammmmn. enough whining already.

what's the point today?

lucky girl i am. finding one of those really good men............some days i wonder when i'm all....grungy and momma-in or workin or not at my most patient if he wonders what the hell he's doing

or if i appreciate him....even as we are...here...4 years later...

but i wonder if he knows i watch him when he hikes or talks to the kids or just sits and reads the net...i can see a spirit so strong and kind and embracing...i wonder if he knows

even though we're both gun shy from loves gone bad....or we get busy with life and work and children....

how he is cherished. and if i woke again alone.....not just again, as in '''oh woe is me i'm alone again so many bad relationships' but alone specifically without this man

i wouldn't be myself
a puzzle missing a piece


doesn't everybody drive each other a little crazy sometimes? me thinks surely we do.....

but i love him still
more than i can tell him
more than he realizes

my gentle viking

this too shall pass.....bring on spring....enough snow and cold already...and it's only january

sigh

be well wanderers

raven

manifest your universe

soooon now

i will carve my own path instead of watching others carve theirs
not that it's not fun or interesting or a learning experience in itself

but it's not for me

art has been calling me back from the regular world for over a year now...but i, all buried and floating in the mire like ophelia but less romantic

lol

have been stuck at my pain the ass 9-5, where i am, granted, queen bee, but still cowtowing and catering to the whims of others and controlled by an irrational and focus-challenged 'fearless leader' have all but lost my connection with any kind of art which is the core of what's moved me for most of my life so far

so i started thinking, first of all, i won't let it go
i won't let it become something that i, in my 50's or 60's say, yeah i used to draw real good once.....back in the day....you shoulda seen...

phhhhttttttbbbbbbbbbbbthhhhhhhh

and secondly, if work is going to suck anyway and your going to make too little to really get by well anyway....why not try to make something happen that you'd like to do rather than being owned, eh? how's about that.

so slow and steady wins the race i hear...or that's the line that keeps running in my head

so i'm plodding along

strangley i have this sensation that something big is about to give...but really i'm only beginning with a little bit of teaching for a group in a remote town...but hey...it's a start

i just wonder what the other big feeling is........

i suppose all will be revealed...and no matter that i'm starting small....slow and steady. maybe someday i'll be able to survive on my passion

what a concept

hate your job?

feel free to vent

be well nomads

raven

the media amazes me

the cover story for newsweek society yesterday....
the tag that floated around with a pop up on msnbc was 'mean girls'

it shouted that a bedroom community had been 'rocked' by their outrageous behavior

i thought...hmmmm what sort of evilness were these girls up to...as by today's standards they'd have to have done something exceptionally wicked to get such a cover story

it was a story about a group of teenagers.....five high school cheerleaders
partying, taking pics of themselves that were obnoxious to certain people and no big deal for most teenage kids and what they've seen by now

ohhhh one of them told a teacher to 'get their panties out of a wad'
others jeered the people who tried to get them kicked off the squad

i kept thinking....ok well...it's bound to get jucier, right...
and before you know it i'm at the end of an article that cries that 'these girls have nothing on gangs...they think they can do anything'

give me a freaking break

what evil demonic totally normal clique of high school girls...like nobodys ever experienced a bunch of snotty popular girls? please...and they've got nothing on gangs? are you kidding? there was no blood, no mayhem, no fighting or stealing or guns....there were no weapons at all in fact...
there wasn't even any porn!!
hell the worst thing a chick did was flip somebody off

oooooooooooohhhh how terrible

rolls my eyes

the media amazes me.

i'm sure there were no more newsworthy stories about people in the U.S.

more interesting posting later
just had to vent that

be well

raven