random killings

for years now there have been random mutiple killings

i was actually in the hospital giving birth when the columbine shootings happened in colorado...and death was all there was on the tv when i was trying to celebrate life.....

but i noticed it then...as if it was gaining momentum. like killing people was starting to be a fad. scary, eh? and yet, look at where we are.

i read, as i'm sure many did, many stories about kids taking guns to school to exact revenge of some sort. there was the whole 'going postal' "joke" that went around....there has been mass ethnic 'cleansing' events around the world from us...

recently, it seems to me, there has a been a rise in parents killing their children.....but it started with the whole 'postal' phenomenon i think

by the by..you know...i really don't think i believe in a heaven and hell...as i feel strongly that the purpose of life is for our spirit to learn something

and we must reincarnate however many times it takes to get those lessons right and graduate to total peace and consciousness

anyway....just because i don't believe in hell doesn't mean that i don't see the necessary exsistance and balance of good and evil
nor that i don't believe in demons or evil spirits
i think there's a whole bunch of stuff out there we don't understand
and i do think there are things out there with a definite negative menacing feeling about them...

that said

if there's any evidence of the 'devil' manifesting itself.....ie; some evil energy that is gaining strength by the number of spirits it can infiltrate and total disrupt their psyche

it's all of these random killings that seem to be gaining strength
it's too often like a perfectly normal person....even those who seem given to a laid back state of existance....or children who know little of the world...or mothers...or fathers...or people all over the world who decide other people need to be slaughtered immediately. ahh i could go on, sadly, couldn't i?

anyway the point is it's as if suddenly these people are afflicted with some completely....paranormal idea to kill. one day fine, the next bloody murder?
and not just kill randomly or one person...but in ways that will kill as many people as possible or kill those closest to you

what the hell is going on

it makes no sense

it's as if....there is a disease or a force that is gaining ground that no one sees

now i'm no bible beater...sorry if that offends those who are
but i will admit i don't like what i see in society
not just ours...but around the world

what's with the random killings; world?

travel on

raven x

the grand internal debate

wow here i am again...i can hardly believe it

still on the giant internal debate
which never actually goes away

all work sucks right? i mean, unless you genuinely love it....work is work.
i saw a woman i met at my brothers wedding last month doing a stand up in new york on you tube...which was cool...she threw everything to the wind and just went for it with being a comedian so it was cool to see her on you tube...

but she made one of the jokes about jobs and work and explaining why your quitting something is so hard to explain...but did it by emoting how often there is "too much job in that job...do you have anything with a little less job in it?" lmao exactly. it's just a job...why do they become so self consuming?

anyway it was great
cool to see someone you know go for it

and do well

like the powers that be really do pay attention and bless you for following the path you were given

sighs

this is not helping my current dilemma heart vs. bills to pay

anyway i keep throwing bits into the wind....perhaps something will come back. or perhaps after 20 yrs i'll look back and think i was a gigantic pussy for not just diving in with both feet

of course i haven't made up my mind so who knows

life is so peculiar. i wonder if before you move on or move up or move down or whatever the case is when my body loses my spirit if you get to look back on your life and see how it all fell and have such clarity

wouldn't be any point unless you got to apply the lessons you could see to the next life though. wonder if there is a next life

well i think i know ...that there is....unmistakably...that we learn from each life until we are allowed to pass in to the next level...

but that's just what my gut says. i don't subscribe to any organized religion

anyway
what's all this about

listen to your gut
follow your heart

try to have faith that the universe will catch you
(note to self)

be well wanderes

raven

welcome to the jungle

thirty first of december, two thousand six...eleven fifty three pm.

well....here i am. stepping foot in the blogosphere.

i tend to go on about nothing....so if you don't mind random mind rolls great. if you think i'm too long winded or full of it
go
away

i used to write...alot...and journal...alot. before it was called blogging. i think i got distracted right as it became a Really Cool Thing to Do...two or so years ago

so i've waited and watched and been busy
or made excuses like i am....too busy, that is...to blog or write or keep up my old site...

but the truth is i miss writing....and blogging as it now stands does intrigue me. so, i'm aiming this year to make myself write...here...and see what comes of it.

now i don't believe in resolutions exactly...but i do believe in making up a general goal or two in your mind for the year.

i just don't think it's a good habit to get into.....making promises to yourself you might not be able keep and then chastising yourself for not doing them. cyclical destruction of your own character. i think not

and the nice thing about having an anonymous website of your own is that you figure no one will actually find it so it doesn't matter when or how you write. but here...if feels already like there's pressure in a way. perhaps that's why i've stayed in the shadows

but i'll write when i like and refuse to cowtow to the psuedo pressure of writing all the time to keep readers happy and worry about the writer instead

and just focus on the fact that at least i'm writing SOMEthing again

i will focus more on the magic that i hold

i WILL get that god damn legal issue taken care of i've been waiting to be able to afford for years and come hell or high water i WILL jump start this post baby frigging metabolism

i won't say by when or to exactly what extent i will do any of these things...but if you ask me by the end of next year if i accomplished them i betcha the answer is yes to all

that said and moving on...

what's on the surface of a year

what's underneath

i made the mistake of letting work eat me up and my stillness has receded more than i want it to which will take some mending, but i'll fix it.

i can still sense the calm deep blankets of snow from spring and this christmas...i can feel the summer's breeze and all the rain that came...and smell the campfire and the night sky in the forest
there is laughter of all the little people between the trees and so much amazement and wonder at the new addition to our world

more love than i could have anticipated

being a broken family that began again

i understand companionship better and yet so value my solitude....

i have also gotten better about Just Doing whatever it is i would normally take 5000 hours analyzing and plotting my course of action first

and i believe i may have succeeded in putting something into motion that i cannot stop. which is frightening and yet if i didn't really want it i wouldn't have set myself up to HAVE to deal with it....changing jobs....moving on....making your job being about something you WANT to do instead of taking whatever you can or doing what you have to

i have decided that the reason i cannot actually see ghosts is because i'm not ready to......that fear is actually my obstacle even if i know that's irrational....but i still don't know why i sense them or what the purpose is of them coming around and i don't sense any truth to the whole romantic notion that i'm supposed to help them find the light or end a puzzle they didn't get to nor do i sense any sort of danger ....

but i wonder, for all of you who might think it's blasphemous to talk about ghosts and magic and so on....let's theorize that god made everything, shall we? god made everything and made us exactly as we are...design implies designer right? then why would these sixth sense aspects some of us posess be bad if god gave them to us?

and for all of you who think speaking of ghosts is crazy talk......phhhbbbbbtttt. we fear what we don't understand no?

i'd personally just like to know why i possess that sense so i don't go wasting it.

ok. enough of that tangent...back on the years change

i am more tired than i thought...and less tired than i thought... and am definitely 10 yrs older than when i first started this whole kid-having experience... and blissfully ignorant in my world of no newspaper and no tv...

not subject to the same commerical and shock value bullshit i know is out there for the masses...dumping pre formed opinions into our overexasperated skulls.....
but i do miss the humor...and some of the reality stuff...and once in awhile, dave letterman. but i'm not as sucked into the politics and drama and news as most of the sheeple.

unfortunately watching the news or even reading about it online also makes me acutely aware that our media and our goverment is a monster of our own creation and is, for the most part, no longer in our control at all. in fact, we are so uninformed as to the truth of the state of things, i believe, that the nation is almost two different places...the people of the land and the people of the government

one hand has no clue what the other is up to

the media is the circus act keeping both groups at bay

and the state of the world always makes me sad to so many degrees that i am happy to narrow my scope, until i can travel again, to my own little reality and deal with my day by day

for now anyway.

in the meantime, another year comes...restless....tearing at the seams ready to burst...

another year of landmarks and seasons and holidays renewed and birthdays

hopefully it will hold less kidney stones
and more insight
and art

alot more art and alot of laughing. laughing is good.

what was underneath what you remember about the year?
what are you reaching for next year?

share if you like
i don't know what sort of blog this will form into. i'm the sort to go read all sorts of weird links, but not really the type to put them here...so maybe it will just be me spouting off...we'll see

either way....i appreciate the visit
and hope you get something out of the read

be well wanderers

raven